gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
