If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
