I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
