all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
