Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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