the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
