Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
