Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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