that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
