my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
