I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize