oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
