Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
