She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
