You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
