My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Buhtt sex?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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