he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
