Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
