don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am available for nakedness
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize