Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
