she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
