There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize