Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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