So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
