I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
