I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
