I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
