Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize