...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
