and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
