Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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