is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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