I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
operation harelip BJ is a go
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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