so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
