I think i peed on brittanys purse
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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