Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
