she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
