found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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