dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
