You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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