He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
