I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
