Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
