So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize