I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
home. puking in laundry basket.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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