For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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