please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
