You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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