dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
