It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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