What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
