He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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