i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am midnight drunk by noon
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
