I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
