And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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