I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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