fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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