my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
