i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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