sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
