I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize