I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
