Your tits are I can't wait for
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
