My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
