I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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