I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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