4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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