That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
