College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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