3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
