Just took my morning after pill in the library
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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