so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
