the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
