I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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