My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I cut my penus on the lid.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
