I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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