My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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