I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
